Puppy farms

When I was training to become a life coach one of the things that I was told was that everyone is always being the best that they can be with the resources that they have. This means that if I had walked in their shoes every step of the way I would be in the same position they are.

I understand the principle of this and for the most part I agree. Until last Saturday that was. This was when my daughter and I went to the RSPCA (Burwood East) to choose a rescue dog. Having never visited a centre like this before (because our previous rescue dogs came from the Greyhound adoption program) I found it quite confrontational. All those dogs that need a good home. There were some who were very popular and several people were interested and other dogs who could vertically jump over 3 feet in the air.

My daughter saw the dog she wanted being exercised outside in one of the enclosed areas. We waited for the dog to come back into her little room and then went to visit her. The dog was quite withdrawn and didn't want to make any contact with us and my daughter wanted her even more. The notes on her door showed that she had been rescued but didn't explain the reasons.

Once the forms were filled out the staff member told us about the dog we were interested in. As she told us the dog's history I started to feel more and more angry. In her short three years this dog only knew the inside of a puppy farm. Born in the same one that she had then been made to have at least three litters and maybe as many as six. All she knew was a shed and small run. She had no idea about how to interact with humans, or what it could be like to be stroked and petted. She was scared, subdued and bewildered.

What kind of person believes that running a puppy farm is being the best that they can be? If I had walked in their shoes I would believe the same? What kind of life and upbringing causes a person to think that running a puppy farm is an acceptable way to make money? I'm not sure that I want to know. What I do want to know is how we can stop them from existing.

Our dog is probably one of the lucky ones. The puppy farm was visited by the RSPCA and the dogs were taken from the owners. We happened to visit just after she arrived from another RSPCA centre. She will be our third rescue dog and so we have some experience in helping these dogs settle into family life.

We pick her up on Friday and we have already bought her some new toys, bed and treats as well as the dog food that she is currently used to at the RSPCA. It will take time and it will be worth it.

love
Sarah

Dear Mr Abbott

I have never attended a rally or been a particularly politically minded person. I vote when I have too, which in Australia is all the time because it is the law, whereas in the UK I got to choose if I wanted to vote. I guess like a lot of people there is no party that ticks all the boxes so I choose the party that ticks the boxes that lie closest to my values.

I didn't vote for Mr Abbott for a myriad of reasons and the longer he is in Office the more I feel vindicated for not voting for him.

In 1998 I visited Australia for the first time and instantly fell in love with the place. I knew that I would come and live here one day. At that point I didn't know how or when, just that I would. During my first visit I was treated to a trip to the Daintree. I had never seen anything so amazing or beautiful and I plan to go back one day. I did spend a good amount of my time being terrified of things that might bite me but other than this, it was and still is one of the most outstanding places that I have visited.

Of course our forests and parkland do so much more than provide places for us to enjoy. They support wild life and plant life, some of which is still being discovered. They provide oxygen to our planet and help to keep things stable. It has been stated that there may be cures to diseases still hidden within the many forests of the world, ours included.

And to date these beautiful and resourceful forests and parkland have been safe, preserved under Acts to ensure that they remain this way.

Until now.

Apparently Mr Abbott believes that we have too much forest and parkland and that we need it for development. Could it be, and this is only my opinion, that forests and parkland don't pay taxes or produce any income for the Abbott government? Not like building roads and houses and keeping paper mills in business.

A very wise man, which is just one of the reasons that I love him, told me that you never spend an asset. You get the asset to make money for you and then you can use that money to spend. Our forests and parkland are so much more than 'an asset' in the same way that my lungs are so much more than an asset. Creating short term solutions that destroys our forests and parkland for ever is hardly a smart thing to do. It seems greedy and small minded.

How disappointing that a guardian has turned against his ward.

Sarah

The lady with the lamp

Russia and the Crimea are in the news at the moment and although I knew that Florence Nightingale had nursed in the Crimea it was only when the newspaper thoughtfully produced a map that I found out where it is and why it is of importance to Russia.

Florence Nightingale was named the 'lady with the lamp' by the solders that she nursed during that war. Whilst there have been films made about her life which romanticised this part of her life the films tend to miss out on the more major role that she played both in health and in nursing.

Florence was the first nurse to look for evidence that something worked or didn't work. She didn't always know or understand why one thing worked and another didn't but if the evidence demonstrated that it worked she wrote it all down and took action to implement it. Today we still move immobile patients every two hours to prevent pressure sores.

She also observed surgeons and noted which of their patients developed infections the most often and which did not. It was through her observation that hand washing was initially demonstrated as being a way to prevent the spread of infection. Of course it would take years for it to really be enforced but her nurses were taught how to wash their hands properly and she encouraged the doctors to do the same.

She was also a rather dramatic and emotional person who spent many hours on a chaise long in the family home fretting about the state of the health in hospitals, trying to improve the nursing care of patients in hospitals and setting up a nursing school.

Until Florence came along most nurses were either religious sisters or alcoholic ex-prostitutes working in very poor hospitals and asylums. Young ladies and women from middle and upper class backgrounds did not have any profession, although they did do charitable works. Florence Nightingale turned nursing into a reputable profession and had very strict rules that included nursing students having to go out in groups of 3 or more so that there could be 'no improprietory'.

Today nursing students are taught to use theory and practise based on solid evidence and it is also far more person-centred than it used to be. As late as the 1980s nurses were still using practises that had not been researched and proved successful through thorough testing. Sometimes it worked because of something else we were doing at the same time.

We will never know what Florence would think of today's nurses. I don't think that she would have approved of them wearing trousers, tattoos or body and facial piercings as she was quite a traditionalist about that sort of thing. The book about her life is a biography and not an autobiography so we will probably never know for sure. What we do know is those 6 months in the Crimea were the only nursing that she ever did.

Sarah

Should I replace it?

At the end of last week our electric can opener stopped opening cans. It made a rather pathetic hum with zero action. It has clearly broken. I can't complain. It came into my life over ten years ago when my partner moved in to live with us. He had owned it for many years before that but it didn't get too much use because his ex-wife prefers to use a manual tin opener.

For the past 10 years it has sat in my larder giving intermittent service as required. I prefer it to the manual tin opener and for added measure the magnet top part holds the lid up once the can is opened which seems a very safe and useful feature.

The thing is this. Do I replace it? There are some things that have to be replaced. Last year it was the washing machine, dishwasher and vacuum cleaner. These are things that I don't want to live without. I understand that for years people managed very well without a dishwasher and I didn't have my first one until after child number four was born, but once I had one there was no turning back. These items are used daily and will continue to be replaced when they break. They save hours of manual labour and do a better job that I would do, especially the washing machine and vacuum cleaner. But a tin opener?

Its not as though it does a better job or that it saves time but I do like it. It saves my hands when it is a tough tin and thoughtfully holds the lid in place after the tin is open. A quick search on the Internet reveals that I can replace the tin opener for just $25, and it is the same opener. Maybe there are some hidden upgrades that I am unaware of or could it be that it is a simple device that works so well it didn't need to be upgraded. It is the same make and looks exactly the same as our old one. The same can't be said of my vacuum cleaner or washing machine.

I don't open tins every day of the week and sometimes I may not open a tin for a whole week. But for a mere $25 I can have an electric tin opener in the larder for those occasions when I do need a lid removed from a tin, a tin without a ring pull. Apparently at this particular well know electrical store you pay less when you pay cash. However I seriously doubt that when the cost is only $25 there will be much of a discount.

Sometimes its the little things in life that make a difference and who would of thought that for me one of those little things would be a tin opener?

love
Sarah

Overwhelmed

The other day a colleague and very dear friend of mine meet up for a meeting. As we both sat there studying our notes for the meeting I looked up and told her that I was heading towards being overwhelmed. She looked almost relieved and stated that she was heading in that direction herself.

We both run our own business and had recently joined forces to create a new business together, and had also become the leader and operations assistant for a network group that has just started up in Melbourne. She had also jumped out of a plane. Yes, that friend! We both realised that we were juggling more projects without any new time management and it was starting to tell.

We evaluated our situations and various projects and worked out together how we would improve our time management. This meant that I would stop calling her nearly every day about the latest aspect of our joint business and/or the network group and we arranged set days and time for each. We also worked out improved time management for our own projects and businesses.

Years ago women used to have set days for each household task. Monday was often washing day and the entire week's laundry would be one on the one day. The big copper boiler would be heated with white cottons going in first and by the time the water was cooled it would be the delicates. That said I'm not sure just how clean the water would have been by the time the jumpers went in but soap and water usually do the trick. We had a machine with an agitator in the middle that my mother had to fill and empty. I remember her lifting the lid and giving the nappies a serious mix up with a large wooden spoon before closing the lid again.  A different day was set aside for cleaning and even as a small child I remember Fridays being cake making day as my mother made cakes and pastries for the weekend. In those days you could like the spoon without the risk of getting sick.

I also remember when we got our first automatic washing machine. I used to sit and watch the washing go round and round. To us it was amazing and my mother loved this new time saving device.

But here's the problem. It seems to me that the more time saving devices we have the less time we have. How can that possibly be? I can only assume that we under estimate just how much time is saved and attempt to fit in more tasks that are reasonable. Whilst delegating can reduce some of the time it takes to get all the housework done and run a business or two, I am still attempting to fit in more than I have time for without going into overwhelm.

Time to pause, breath and re-evaluate. Then time to plan and test it all out. If I am still heading into overwhelm I will go through the process again until I get my time better managed. This includes scheduling time for me to exercise, relaxing, meditating and have fun.

love
Sarah

Long apron strings

My two eldest children left home several years ago and they do extremely well in the big world fending for themselves. They are both older than I was when I got married and started a family and yet your children are always your children. I am very old and even my mum tells me that your children are always your children.

What does this mean? It means that when one of your daughters calls you from the UK to ask for some medical advice and you know that it could be serious and that they need to see a doctor NOW, you are helpless to do anything to help them because you are on the other side of the world. I could have been in the UK and still been unable to do much to help at the time because it can take quite a few hours to get almost anywhere in the UK, especially across London.

What I have discovered over the years is that apron strings are very long and that I probably hold onto them more than my two eldest children. I love being their mum and I am very attached to them both, and indeed all five of my children. I am delighted that they left home and have made great lives for themselves and I love being in regular touch with them. But it also means that when one of them really needs me I am not always able to be of much help other than some advice and lots of support from the other end of a telephone.

You spend years teaching them how to become independent, responsible adults that contribute to society and their community, and as I once read, someone you wouldn't mind being stuck in a lift with. You spend years encouraging them to be independent, to learn how to deal with situations on their own and to cope with adversity when it comes their way. You also hope that they will cook rather than live off take-away food, wash their clothes, change their bed, clean their abode and brush their teeth. After all that you watch them set off into that big wide world full of opportunities, possibilities and potential danger and hope that they will be happy and fulfilled.

I was once asked what I wanted all my children to be. I replied that I wanted them all to be happy. The question was clarified and I was asked what careers I wanted for them all. Again, I replied that I wanted them to be happy and if this meant that they choose to do a job that required no formal training or tertiary education that was fine so long as it was their choice and not through lack of opportunity.

I still want that for all my children but I also realise that I would like to be able to be there for them when they really need me. Whilst it is up to them to develop lives that offer them plenty of opportunities to be happy and fulfilled I know that I can't be there for them at any given moment. They cope with this much better than I do.

As I said, your children are always your children, and sometimes those apron strings go all the way round the world but they are the strongest strings ever made. And my daughter? She did need medical attention and now she is fine. She coped marvellously all by herself.

love
Sarah

A Nana nap

It is 4pm in the afternoon and I am contemplating going off for a little siesta. When we holidayed in Spain we learnt how to really enjoy the afternoon snooze. Here in Australia and in the UK it is often referred to as 'the Nana nap' and yet when an entire country does it they call it a siesta. Somehow a siesta sounds so much nicer than a Nana nap. It conjures up entirely different images and meanings.

When we think of the Nana nap we conjure up images of more mature ladies snoozing on their beds or in their recliner chairs for a portion of the afternoon. Should I be concerned that at the tender age of 52 I am considering a little nap myself? Clearly I have mismanaged my life and now the afternoon slump is hitting hard.

Our bodies dip in temperature in the afternoon and we often struggle through by trudging on, eating sugary high fat snacks because our brains are telling us that we are low on energy and assume that it must be a lack of sugar, and we struggle to concentrate and work effectively. When you know the science of it all it makes more sense to have an afternoon break. And by break I mean more than a cup of tea and a biscuit. I mean a real break, resting and tuning out either reading, lying there watching the world go by or sleeping.

After a siesta in Spain we would wake up refreshed and ready to enter into the rest of the day with more energy and a lightness that I don't normally experience around this time in the afternoon. When we sleep for 20 minutes we only get into the second stage of sleep and wake up more refreshed than if we had an hour. The alternative is to sleep for several hours and stay up later at night.

So I am off for a little siesta.

love
Sarah

Walking the talk

Tomorrow is the first evening of my writing course. The reason that I started this blog was because part of my preparation for this course was to write every day for twenty minutes and I will need to continue to do so during and after the course.

It is one thing to write a blog for twenty minutes a day on topics that are part of my life, interest me or catch my attention for one reason or another. It is an entirely different prospect to write for a living. I should probably clarify that I am not about to make writing my main source of income, which is a good thing because I wouldn't be able to pay the bills for many months to come. However my ability to write really well will enable to me get my message across to my target audience and that is important to me.

I want to be able to write in ways that enables me to reach women over the age of 40 who are experiencing changes in their bodies and emotional states and may not even know that these signs are all linked to the perimenopause. Or that there are some really easy and simple things that they can do to rebalance their body and sooth their irritations and emotions.

I have always enjoyed talking to people which is probably just as well as my first profession was as a nurse and then as a teacher. I have always enjoyed chatting to other women and at times when the children were very young these women were often my life line. We swapped tips on how to remove various stains from our furniture, walls and clothes and how to create great food quickly whilst holding a baby on your hip and assisting a young child with homework. Writing though, for me, has been an entirely different matter.

I attended a secondary school that chose not to teach us how to write properly and believed that teaching grammar was inhibiting. This has caused me problems ever since and I have slowly learned how to improve my writing in my adult years but it still has a long way to go.

Even if my grammar was outstanding there is a skill to writing in a way that captures an audience's attention and holds them for the duration of the piece. Hence the writing course. Thank goodness I have found a course that can help.

This course will be an adventure as it takes us all to new places and experiences with our writing. I am both nervous and excited. Bring it on!

love
Sarah

The weekly food shop

Is there something wrong with me? I love my family, I really do. I love being able to provide for them which includes shopping and cooking. But I hate the weekly food shop.

I really don't enjoy walking round the supermarket, up and down the isles, looking for the items on my list and slowly filling up the trolley. Then there is the wait at the checkout, at which point I have to take all my items out of my trolley, have them bagged up and put back in my trolley and then push it to the car. Take them all out again to put them in the car, drive home, take them all out again to get them into the house and then put all the items away. The final step is to put all the bags back in the car so that I can do it all again next week.

I am lucky in that usually either one of my sons will come with me. It has become our time together, and we sometimes have morning tea together as well. He does all the heavy pushing which is also very nice. I would rather spend time with my children doing something fun, like going to the zoo or the movies.

But stop. Time for a quick slap around the chops. How lucky I am?

As I write this and moan about my weekly shopping trip it occurs to me just how lucky I really am. I have a family to feed, that love me and I love them. I have food so readily available that if I really wanted to I could shop in my nightwear in the middle of the night (I have never been tempted by this one). I live in a country where I can buy just about any type of food quite easily and for a reasonable price. Add to this the fact that I am able to buy more than sufficient food to feed my family every week and buy them treats on top when I want to. I have a car to carry all the food home which is really great. I remember years ago when we first moved to Bristol that my mum had to carry all the weekly shop home on the bus. Now of course you can have your food delivered by the supermarket.

As all this isn't enough I am also lucky enough to have children that want to spend time with me. I know that this isn't the case for everyone and that some people don't have family at all.

The weekly shop doesn't seem so bad which just shows that it is all about perspective and how we feel about something rather the event itself.

love
Sarah

Are zoos ethical?

Today I went to the zoo with my youngest daughter. She and I have zoo membership and have done so ever since we emigrated over 10 years ago. It was the first thing that we signed up to whilst we were still renting. Three visits a year pay for the membership and after that we are getting in for free. Even if we don't go we are supporting the zoo.

I remember years ago visiting London zoo as a small child, and later Bristol zoo as a teenager. In those days, back in the 1970s, the big cats were in concrete cages with iron bars and we watched them pace up and down, not realising just how awful it was for them. Since then science has progressed and now we know far more about the emotional needs of captive animals and provide better care. I still wonder if it is good enough?

We joined Melbourne zoo because I believed that there were doing the best that they could for their animals and continue to improve the enclosures and care of their animals. They have an active breding program and only recently brought in a Silver Back male from the UK to replace the male that died, and to ensure that new blood is brought to the line. They also exchanged younger animals to continue to maintain a fit and healthy group of gorillas. From the health aspect this is a good thing and humans do the same thing in that we have laws against immediate family members breding. However does this mean that the gorillas were emotionally okay about members of their group leaving and new members joining? Clearly this is a question that I can't answer.

I remember as a teenager the news that the polar bears at Bristol zoo were found to be unhappy and experts were brought it to find ways to improve their mental and emotional health. This was the first time that I was aware of such issues and it was wonderful to visit the zoo later that year and see the bears playing with their new toys, having to find their food that was hidden within the enclosure and appearing much more relaxed. They had stopped pacing.

It isn't just zoos that have this responsibility to maintain and improve all aspects of the health of their animals. There have been cases of captive killer whales deliberately killing their trainers and yet we continue to have these huge amazing creatures doing circus tricks in theme parks. When I lived in Brighton their Sea World had dolphins, which I took the children to watch. A few years later they discovered that the dolphins were really stressed because their communication squeaks were bouncing back off the pool walls and creating a torture chamber of noise. They were gradually released into the wild through a specialised program and now
Sting ray swim graciously in a specially created pool.

We also know that in some countries the captive animals do not receive the same care, thought and attention as they would in other countries. So does this mean that zoos are ethical?

In my personal opinion zoos have a duty to educate the public about habitats of animals so that we don't destroy them all, and to protect the species of as many animals as possible whilst humans continue to plunder the planet. This also means that they need to attract and entertain in a way that does no harm to the animals and yet still attracts all members of society to visit the zoo. I think that zoos like Melbourne zoo do a really good job of this, and sessions where we get to meet the keeper and see animals being fed are a wonderful idea. I love to see the otters scramble over the rocks and dive into the water to find their food, and to watch the seals have their daily health checks by the keepers which has been turned into a show but only for the humans. For the seals it is just their daily health check with a few fish treats for co-operating.

So are zoos ethical? Like most things in life there are zoos that are amazing, zoos that are a bit mediocre and sadly a few zoos that should be shut down and their animals given to zoos that would provide the latest in care.

love
Sarah

Swollen finger joint for life?

Last year, in about June or July, I managed to damage in ring finger on my right hand. I was holding an electric drill that jumped due to an obstruction that it met, and the drilled turned in my right hand causing damage to my ring finger. I did all the right things: I took off my ring, strapped it to my middle finger and put it up - mostly. It didn't really get any better and the following week I had x-rays which showed that nothing was broken and so I thought that it would settle down, eventually.

But it hasn't and I still have a swollen joint, still can't wear my ring, still can't get my finger to touch my palm and occasionally I catch it and it hurts. So today I went to my hand specialist appointment. I was dreading the thought of having to have more x-rays, an operations, rehabilitation on it and all the time and discomfort, not to mention the cost, that this would involve.

So imagine my surprise when the hand specialist told me what the problem was and that it couldn't be fixed. He would refer me for hand therapy to give me a bit more flexibility in the finger but the swelling and comfort level would remain roughly the same. As for my ring, I should find a good jeweller to have it re sized. My finger will never be the same.

As a nurse, even though I no longer work as a clinical nurse, I should know and remember that it can't always be fixed, cured or treated. Sometimes the best outcome is really good management. So for all you non-health professionals out there let me share a little secret with you. It is a bit like house fires and car accidents. That stuff happens to other people and we do all that we can for them. It does NOT happen to us. And when it does we are always surprised. Or at least most of us are. Just for the record we aren't good with receiving injections either.

I feel quite calm about the whole thing. Firstly it is only a finger and although I am right-handed there is very little that I can't do now that I could do before. I think that opening jar lids has probably been one of the things it has affected most and there are plenty of other people in the house to help out there. It also means that when I teach tai chi I can't make a fist for one of the movements but so far no participant seems to have been affected by this. And finally my ring.

This ring is very special because my lovely aunt gave it to me in her Will. Every time I put it on I remember her and I haven't been able to wear it since I hurt my finger. I haven't had it re sized to date because I was waiting to see if my finger returned to normal or if the hand surgeon could fix it. No that I know that this isn't going to happen I can take the necessary action to have it re sized and enjoy wearing it again. I'm lucky that the injury isn't on my left hand because then I wouldn't be able to wear the ring my partner gave me, which he had specially made in Vietnam with a beautiful ruby. All in all I would say that I am one pretty lucky lady.

An event is just an event and it is how we feel about it that makes it good, bad or indifferent for us. The same event can cause different feelings for different people. For me I feel lucky that all it is is a swollen finger joint.

I look forward to being able to wear my newly re sized ring.

love
Sarah

Who would jump out of a plane?

I noticed on facebook that a lovely friend of mine was experiencing some fear and on closer inspection found that it was because she was about to jump out of a plane. I was very impressed and in awe of this brave woman. I have occasionally wondered what would cause anyone to choose to jump from a plane. A perfectly good plane that will take them safely back to firm land if they stay inside yet. And yet they choose to open the door and leap out.

I called my friend that evening to ask her if she had really jumped from a plane. She said that she had and was now exhausted from the whole experience but also thrilled to have completed it. The fear she experienced was following a pile of waivers to fill in before the flight and jump that released the organisation of any liable in the event that she was injured in any way, broke a leg or died. This did nothing for her confidence and she still went ahead. She did say that at the last minute she changed her mind but her 'buddy' just edged her to the door and the wind sucks you out and soon she was experiencing the most amazing adrenaline rush. She finished with "You should do it".

Absolutely not! I have no plans to ever jump from a plane unless my life depends on it. I certainly don't plan to do it as an activity. I get scared quite easily and probably experience the same kind of adrenaline rush every time I climb a ladder, go on the children's merry-go-round or children roller-coaster. I once went on an adult roller-coaster and at it terrified me. I thought that I might fall out several times and was scared that the whole thing might collapse or that the car that I was in might fall off. What was even worse than this was that we had two young children with us and there was a very real fear that they might fall out or slide under the bar supposedly holding us in. This was quite enough adrenaline for me.

I take my hat off to all those people who push themselves even further out of their comfort zone. I am happy to applaud their bravery. And I will continue to push my own boundaries but this won't involve jumping out of a plane.

love
Sarah

CPR dilemma

Yesterday I did my annual CPR course. As a RN I am legally required to maintain my CPR and First Aid. I also now need it as a Tai Chi instructor. I find it frustrating because I have been doing this for over 30 years and whilst it does change every so often it is basically the same. I get that most people don't have as much practise as I have had at doing CPR and First Aid. I have been teaching it for the past 6 years so I am very current at the moment.

We were shown the following youtube clip of how not to do CPR:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1mEqg8WArQ

Whilst amusing it wasn't particularly helpful and maybe was shown because it might lighten the mood of the room and those attending. Most of those attending were electricians who also have to have annual CPR. They had also all done many courses and most of them knew what to do.

But despite all of us having done CPR courses many times before some people had forgotten. "Use it or loose it' applied to CPR and whilst for me it felt like a waste of my time I could really see just how important annual CPR really is.

My dilemma isn't about whether or not we should have to attend annual CPR trainings though. My dilemma is this: what should I have done when the instructor gave incorrect information regarding the method of doing CPR. One aspect changed about 5 years ago, and now the mouth is opened to check to see if there is anything in the mouth before the head is tilted back to open the airway. The reason being that if you open the airway by tilting the head back when there is something in the mouth, what ever is in the mouth can now be inhaled into the lungs. So my dilemma remains. Should I have said something or was I right to let it slide because the research continues to show that doing anything is better than doing nothing and that most people get on with the chest compressions which is what really saves lives?

Obviously the opportunity to say something has passed so my dilemma is about the next time I do my annual CPR and face a similar problem. It seemed almost rude and arrogant to interrupt and I can't work out if this is my English reserve or just plain good manners.

What would you have done? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comment box below.


love
Sarah

100 things list

On Thursday evening I was taken by one of my sons to an evening with Sebastian Terry. My son had read the book last year and gave it to me to read. The short version is that a friend of his died whilst Sebastian was abroad and he couldn't get home for the funeral. He wondered if his friend would have lived his life differently if he knew that he only had this set amount of years and decided that he wouldn't have changed anything. However Sebastian himself decided that he if knew he was going to die tomorrow he would have regrets about what he hadn't done yet.

So he sat down and wrote a list of 100 things that he would like to do, and then set about doing the things on his list.

Four years on and he is still completing his list and now he is helping other people to complete their list. He has also raised money for charity and is now raising $100,000 for 10 different charities.

Hearing him speak was very inspiring. I had already started my own list but it was pretty small compared to Sebastian's list. I started to think about other items that I could add to my list and for what purpose. How would they help me grow?

On the way home I thought some more and decided that even better than this for my list I could help 100 people achieve one thing each on their list.

Sebastian Terry is in the process of setting up 'Beyond 100' where people can post their lists so that other people can help them achieve their items.

It can be easy to stay in our comfort zone and having a 100 things list can help us to move outside of our comfort zones, to continue to grow and develop.

Currently on my personal list is learning how to do the jitterbug/lindy hop and getting a series of books published.

What could be on your list?

love
Sarah

Networking

I have been to several different network groups and until I was introduced to my current network group I would always find the same thing: people trying to sell to me.

I think that networking means different things for different people. For me, and this is why I like this new group, networking is about meeting people and forming relationships. I am much more likely to refer a friend than someone I barely know that spent twenty minutes trying to sell to me. In fact I would definitely not refer that second person.

So yesterday was fun and there was no selling involved. We swapped information about what we do, how we do it and for whom we do it for. We got to have lots of time to meet people within the group and have one-on-one chats and quite a few of stayed afterwards and chatted some more. Some of these chats are about personal lives as well as our businesses. I can see that networking like this will lead to new friendships as well as business growth in a gradual way which really suits me.

I have been very lucky in this regard and a friendship that I made early last year when meeting some other coaches has turned into a really good working professional relationship as well as a beautiful friendship. This friend and I are about to start a joint venture which is really exciting. You never know where a friendship will take you.

The lesson that I have learned from all of this is that if something isn't working for may it may not be that particular 'thing' but the way that I have chosen to experience it. Finding different ways to experience it can make all the difference. Obviously if I still don't enjoy it then it isn't for me but at least I know for sure and I can move on to something else.

love
Sarah

To dust or not to dust. That is the question.

I would love to be able to tell you that I dust and clean the house every week but this is not the case. It is one of the few chores that I have yet to delegate because I have delegated chores that really do need to be at least weekly, like the bathrooms and kitchen floor.

And then there is the question of the sense in dusting every week. I like a clean house and at the same time I know that when I dust it will only be a matter of days before I can see more dust in its place. I once heard it described as being similar to training for a sporting event that never happens. This isn't quite true of course.
We all know how we like to have everything spick and span for visitors and even for ourselves. But cleaning the house is time consuming and I know that when I spend that time on other tasks that will have a more completed outcome I feel more fulfilled.

Is that the problem? Cleaning is frustrating because it is always going to be there. Feeding the family is a bit like that. Shop, put away, cook, feed and wash up every day however there are more rewards. Feeding the family is an act of love, nourishing ourselves and those we love. It is also a time for the family to sit and chat, to keep in touch, share news and views and generally continue to build a life-time of bonds and memories. Food has always been associated with celebrations and mile stones. The same could hardly be said of cleaning the house.

So is it the cleaning or the mind set that is the issue? Maybe a different mind set will encourage me to effectively delegate the dusting, even if means offering payment to one of the children, or to do it myself every week. It doesn't take very long and being able to see the dust layer grow does nothing for me.

What are you thoughts on cleaning? Weekly, more or less often? Who does the cleaning in your house? And does anyone have any tips on how to dust in a way that slows down the amount of dust that gathers each week?

Happy cleaning
love
Sarah

Help. What happens when the words dry up?

Help. What do you do when you have nothing to say, nothing to talk about and therefore nothing to write about? Of course I can chat quite comfortably with my family and friends because we discuss things we have in common or catch up on each others news. But writing a 20 minute blog as part of my course in writing somehow doesn't have the same rules about what I can write about.

There are no official rules about writing a blog, that I know of and please add a link to rules if you know of them in the comment box below. But whilst there are no official rules there are always the 'known' rules in the same way that we know there are certain topics that you  should not discuss in polite company or in various situations. I was always taught that it was inappropriate to discuss religion or politics at dinner parties and other gatherings such as the big conference dinners we used to attend with my parents. At home you don't bring up personal family issues with guests and of course you never discuss your (or anyone else's) sex life in any company. I am guessing that these rules may have changed for younger generations.

In addition to not having anything to write about I have also been very tired following a business trip late last week and added this to my list of excuses to not write my blog for a few days. If in doubt do overwhelm. Overwhelm is the brain's way of protecting us from having to take action. Think back to a time when you last did overwhelm and remember what you had to do to take action. What caused me to finally stop doing overwhelm and sit down and write this blog? My mentor and teacher for the writing course. She told me that I had to write for 20 minutes a day even if it was just random words until sentences started to form.

I have heard of writers block and I guess that this is one form of it. Having nothing to say is not the same as having nothing appropriate to say but it still leaves me procrastinating when it comes to writing this blog.

If anyone would like to enter some suggestions for topics about which I could write for 20 minutes for this blog please enter them into the comment box below. I thank you in advance.

In the meanwhile I have managed to complete my 20 minutes and share my total lack of topic and hope that in some way it has served at least one person out there by demonstrating that even when faced with overwhelm the best way to deal with it is to take positive action towards working through the issues and tasks at hand.

until tomorrow for my next 20 minutes

love
Sarah

Is figure skating really a sport?

As we wait for the winter Olympics to open I wait with anticipation for the figure skating. There isn't a lot of sport that I like and mostly my partner and I go to the 'footie' which in Melbourne means Australian rules football. I love its fast pace, interactions and how all the action happens on the pitch and not the stands. The other sport that I love is the figure skating and really only get to enjoy it once every four years.

I can't ice-skate. This isn't me being modest. I really can't ice-skate. I have quite poor balance at the best of times and can trip over my own feet, a slight rise in the curb and many other things that others seem to manage effortlessly. As far as I know there is no particular problem except that somewhere along the line, I didn't learn how to balance very well. I did once try ice-skating and never managed to leave the side of the rink, where I held on as I edged round. Once round the rink was enough. But I love to watch it. This isn't a love of all things cold or the winter sports but a love of dance. I enjoy watching all sorts of dancing and gliding along on the ice adds another dimension and set of skills.

I love the interpretation of the music, the costumes and the amazing skills of the dancers. Whilst the singles is okay, it is the pairs dancing that I love the most. I am even willing to stay up later than 10pm to enjoy watching the pairs figure skating. The problem is this. I am the only one that enjoys it. There are members of my family, who will remain nameless but you know who you are, who say that it isn't a real sport. What is a real sport? Men pounding each other in a ring or seeing who can catch the biggest fish?

According to the dictionary it is 'an activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment.' In my opinion figure skating fulfils all the requirements to be a real sport, not that I need an excuse to watch and enjoy figure skating this year or any other. I will enjoy being able to share the definition of sport though. 

For fellow figure skating lovers, enjoy the next few weeks

love
Sarah

How Karma kicked my butt

I am not a religious person but I do sometimes think about karma and if it exists and if so, how does it play out? Today I got of taste of what it might feel like if it exists and to be frank, I deserved it.

This morning I travelled first from Melbourne airport to Sydney and then from Sydney to middle NSW on a very little plane that was rather bumpy, which has nothing to do with the karma aspect, or does it?

While I was waiting at Melbourne a rather agitated ground crew member put out several calls for 3 passengers that were holding up a flight. I wondered how they could have possibly missed the messages and were they shopping, eating or busy chatting. I hoped they made their flight and wondered what could have delayed them.

You can probably guess what is coming next.

Yes, when I was at Sydney I miss judged the time and thought that the time on my boarding pass was the time that I was due at the gate, which is how it was done in Melbourne. Apparently this was not the case and I was just thinking that I should make my way to the gate when a rather agitated ground crew member called my mobile to find out where I was and if I was still planning on taking the flight because I was holding it up and everyone else was on the bus waiting to go to the plane and hadn't I heard the 3 calls that they put out for me? Ummm, no. I hadn't heard the calls, probably because of the din of the food hall and the fact that I was on my mobile answering missed calls that occurred during my flight from Melbourne.

I raced to the gate, down the stairs and got on the bus to some rather unpleasant stares. I wonder if they thought that I had been shopping, eating or busy chatting. They would have been correct about the eating and chatting. I said nothing. What was there to say?

Was it Karma? I have no idea but I do know that there is no reason to judge others because we never really know the full story of how or why someone did this or didn't do that. I am reminded of a true story that I was told about judging others.

A man is on a long train ride and in his carriage there are two children jumping up and down on seats, running up and down the isle and generally being noisy and disruptive. Their father is on the train with them and appears to do nothing to get them to be a little less boisterous. The man gets off at the station and so does the father with the two children. The father turns to the man and says "I'm really sorry for the disruption caused by my children but you see their mother died last week and they don't know how to cope".

When Karma kicks me next time I will know that I have been judgemental again and need another reminder.

love
Sarah

The latest in dental treatment

Isn't technology amazing. A couple of years ago we gave a lift to an older friend of ours. She was in her eighties and I will call her *Nancy for this blog because this is not her name. The journey was a couple of hours so we decided to play some music along the way. Nancy was finding it difficult to hear what we were saying and she seemed to be getting a bit fatigued so music seemed like a good option. Whilst I have nearly 1000 tunes on my ipod we didn't think that *Nancy would appreciate the wonders of Roy or Credence, never mind some early Stones or Super Tramp, so we settled on Frank. We figured that old blue eyes would be to *Nancy's taste and when we asked her she seemed very happy with the idea.

"Play Frank Sinatra" I said out loud so that the 'Sync' would know what to play and sure enough the mellow tones of Frank soon filled the car. *Nancy was amazed and we all had quite a long discussion on the wonders of technology. Even the early James Bond cars didn't have 'sync'.

You may be wondering what 'sync' has to to with the latest dental treatment. Everything and nothing. It has everything to do with it because technology continues to improve and offer all sorts of assistance and improvements to our daily lives, although not all technology is wonderful (in my opinion). Of course 'sync' has nothing specifically to do with dental treatment other than this: ten years ago we couldn't have imagined what is possible now.

My orthodontist told me yesterday that I need to consider a gum graft at some point in the future. I was astounded. They graft gums? Apparently they have been grafting gums for several years now but it is only in the last year or so that they have really improved it sufficiently to make it a viable option for people with receding gums. Currently the success rate is about 86% according to the orthodontic hygiene nurse, depending on several variable factors. Like anyone presented with such information I promptly went home and googled it. What did we do before google? Anyway, there are now even more ways to have your gums grafted and this technique continues to improve, grow and develop.

When I was little we didn't know that lots of lollies were bad for your teeth or that sugar caused dental caries. We didn't floss or have mouth wash and having dental treatment could be brutal. My childhood dentist didn't believe in local anaesthetic for fillings or orthodontic treatment although many dentists did. As a nurse I had older ladies who had had all their teeth removed before they got married as part of their dowry to their future husband. The thinking behind this was that you couldn't promise not to get sick and cost your husband money but if you had all your teeth out you could promise not to cost any money in dental care. They figured that dentures were much cheaper than dental care. Imagine walking down the isle with a full set of dentures.

Now local anaesthetics are more effective and the options for providing dental care continue to develop offering us the best preventative, curative and restorative dental care that we have ever had. I look forward to the day when it is available on Medicare (the national health service) and until then I am continually grateful that I have a lovely, gentle and excellent dentist. Despite our poor start, my generation may be the first to reach their older years with their own teeth.

Enjoy having health teeth and gums

love
Sarah

Why do I find it difficult to delegate?

I really struggle with delegation. This is my perception. Some of my children would probably tell you that I am very good at it whilst the older two despair at my delegation skills. Why is it that some of us find it so hard to delegate whilst other people are very good at it?

I have been thinking about this rather a lot of late, mainly because working for myself has increased my working hours in some ways although it never feels like it because I love what I do. I have also become much better at taking time out for me in addition to doing things like writing this blog every day. The flip side of this s is that I am finding less and less time for running the house on a day to day basis. I have 4 young adults living at home and could easily delegate more out to them and yet I don't - yet! WHY?????

For some reason I feel a bit guilty asking them to do additional domestic things. They each have weekly chores including a washing up roster and yet I often find myself running round trying to fit it all in whilst they are relaxing in front of the television or doing what ever it is they do when they aren't working or studying. They don't know that I am running round because I don't tell them and I find that when I do ask them they usually undertake the task with good humour. So why don't I ask more often?

I suspect that it goes way back to some limiting belief around the role of the mother in the home and/or wanting to be a good mother and homemaker and/or feeling bad about asking for additional help round the house. It could also have something to do with personality types. I am a 'S/I' type (DISC) which means that I am a bit of a home-maker and mother hen and also like to have fun. I am people focused rather than outcome focused. Because of this I am more likely to make sure that everyone else is okay even if this means that I run round whilst they relax. However if I was a high 'D' with some 'C' then I would be outcome focused and I would find delegating quite easy and a natural process. Whilst my personality type plays some part this is not an excuse or reason not to learn how to delegate effectively, which in my case means more often.

To be a really good parent I need to help prepare them for when they all leave home and live on their own. Whilst they can all cook a meal, shop, clean and do laundry they are yet to learn what it is to run the house on a day to day basis. I am pretty confident that they could, which means that they will be able to look after themselves when they leave the nest and yet...and yet here I am still running round trying to fit in writing for 20 minutes and prepare dinner.

So today I announce to the world that I am going to delegate more. To my children who are reading this, if you live at home with me then yes, this means you. Yes, even more help than you are already giving. I hope that the fact that I really appreciate the help makes it slightly easier to do more but if not, then you can enjoy telling me how hard done by you are.

If anyone reading this has some hints and tips on improving my delegating skills then I welcome all your advice in the comments section below and thank you in advance.

Women of the world - let's delegate more.

love
Sarah

Great Barrier Reef

In 1998 I was lucky enough to be treated to a visit to Cape Tribulation by my brother and his wife, which included spending a day on a boat to see the Great Barrier Reef. The day started with taking off our shoes and wading out to a little floatable boat to get to the big boat. When I asked why we had to go in single file I was informed that it was to prevent attracting box jelly fish. I was very vigilant on the way to that little boat.

Once on the big boat it was off to the reef and during the trip the crew gave us our safety talk about all the ways that we had to behave to keep ourselves and the reef safe. This included how to attract attention to the crew on the boat when we were in the water and the reassurance that they would be on the look out for Tiger sharks so not to worry. I had never seen or even heard of a Tiger shark and for some reason a shark the similar size and temperament of a grey nursing shark came into my head. Wearing a dark coloured t-shirt over my bathers and covered in sunblock I took my first plunge into the sea near the reef. The boat anchors a short distance from the reef to prevent any damage to it. This was also the first time that I had snorkeled so was getting used to a large mask, snorkel and flippers. The crew pointed out the direction of the beautiful coral and off we swan.

I had my head down searching for coral but all I could see was the sandy bottom of the sea bed. After several minutes I looked up to see a crew member pointing to where all the other swimmers had reached. I had managed to swim round the boat. The crew member assessed the situation and threw me a life ring in addition to re-orientating me and this time I paddled off, with the help of the life ring, looking up until I reached the rest of the swimmers.

I put my head down for my first glimpse of the Great Barrier Reef and was astounded. I don't think that anything could have prepared me for its sheer beauty. It is stunningly beautiful, with a wide variety of coral in a range of colours in various shapes and formations with their spouts pointing up towards the surface. Some are hard and still whilst others have fronds that wave with the motion of the sea currents. In and of itself it was more serene and breath-taking than I could ever imagined but there was more. An ever changing variety of fish swimming around the coral added to this scene. Fish of all different sizes, shapes, designs and colours swimming within the fronds and stems of the coral in an ever moving picture. All thoughts of sharks and sunburn vanished from my head. There was only enough room for the sight in front of me, all around me and as far as I could see along the reef. I may have stayed floating over it for ever if it weren't for several factors.

Having never snorkeled before I kept forgetting that I couldn't breath through my nose so would attempt to do so and then freak out and panic causing me to take in great mouthfuls of seawater. This meant coming up to spit out the seawater, take a few breaths and resume looking at the reef. The other reason that I stopped floating over it was because we all had to swim back to the boat for lunch.

We were treated to a second swim after lunch before heading back to near the shore for the wade back to the beach with shoes in hand. Slightly sun burnt where my t-shirt had lifted and there was a missing part of sunblock, slightly dehydrated from all that saltwater and not drinking enough regular water I returned to the hotel still spell-bound by what I had seen.

And now I read that the government plan to allow tons and tons of waste to be dumped on it. I am not usually passionate about political issues but this one has pressed some hot buttons. Maybe they haven't seen the reef because to me it is beyond comprehension that anyone who had visited the Great Barrier Reef would want to drop so much as a soggy biscuit on it.

As for the Tiger sharks when I got home I saw a documentary on them and it was only then that I realised what I could have met whilst paddling over the reef. So not the size and temperament of a nursing shark then. And would knowing their size and ferocity have stopped me seeing the reef? Absolutely not.

I would love to know that such treasures will be around for my grandchildren to visit and enjoy. Let's start protecting more rather than less.

love
Sarah

Boot camp

Dear unconscious brain
I know that you have done all you can to protect me because you love me so much and for various reasons this has included avoiding exercise which we view as painful and exhausting. Every time I even thought about doing some form of exercise you thoughtfully deprived my muscles of oxygen so that they felt tired and heavy before I reached for my trainers. And I thank you for doing such a good job at keeping me safe and now I know that you and I haven't kept me safe from poor health, just from exercise.

You did all you could to prevent me from attending my first ever boot camp. You and I had heard about such things but never attended one. You tried to protect me by being the little voice of concern about being 52 years old without so much as a day at the gym with all our various health problems and I chose to ignore you. And on one level you were right; it was hell. But here's the thing unconscious brain, we both learnt some stuff about me that we didn't know. Hell, we didn't even know that we didn't know some of it.

So whilst is was really challenging and difficult we found that the mental support given helped me to do more physical activity that we ever knew was possible. I didn't throw up, pass out or die from a heart attack. I didn't even break down and cry or swear at the trainer. I now understand that you have been doing a better job than I could possibly imagine in order to keep me safe and I am here to tell you that things are about to change, and you are going to get on board with this, for all of me, including you.

We had our limiting beliefs blown out of the water today and this was both revelational and exhilarating. At 52 and after 5 children I can actually do enough exercise to have the body that I have wanted to have since my first child was born. The one that I used to have all those years ago. Until I met some amazing women today I thought that I knew that this was impossible ( unless you are very rich with a personal trainer spending 4 hours a day in a gym). And even better that this, we both now know that I can do more than either of us thought we could do. The amazing women we met also demonstrated the psychological effects of exercise and this was even more exciting than the body I plan to work towards.

So starting tomorrow you are going to change the way that you protect me because we both know that the best way to protect me is for me to exercise, and by exercise I mean more than a 20 minute stroll round the block. This is a good way to start so let's walk for longer, add in some jogging and start doing some strength training. Think of the benefits: more energy, more vitality, more toned and even happier than I am now. My gorgeous partner and I will be able to do more things together like visit places that have lots of steps to see something spectacular, or walk round a really interesting town or city.

Thank you unconscious brain for all that you have done and for all that you are going to do from tomorrow to help me become a fitter, more toned and even more gorgeous me.

love
Sarah

https://www.facebook.com/stonefitness?fref=ts - where I went for boot camp

Life in E.D.

I worked in Emergency for over three years, mainly in the UK and briefly here in Melbourne. The E.D that I worked at in the UK served part of the M23, part of the M25, a local town and Gatwick Airport. We had a special red telephone for Gatwick Airport with it's own ring tone. Everyone who worked in the department would hesitate for a second if we heard it ring. More of that later.

Working a department like the E.D. is fascinating, fast and never dull. Any kind of case could come through at any moment. During my time there I saw the best and the not so good of humanity. I witnessed terrible sadness and loss, relief and joy, anger and frustration, disappointment and confusion and a surprising amount of gratitude. From our perspective were just doing our job but from the patients and their families perspective we were sometimes the team that saved their loved one's life. Of course other times we were abject failures who let their loved one die or gave them distressing news about life-threatening illnesses.
Even then I have witnessed patients and their family thanking the team. However a large majority of our patients came in with broken limbs from falls, cuts and gashes, chest pains and back aches, severe migraines and dislocations. There were foreign objects stuck in eyes and various parts of the body and children that swallowed something they shouldn't including candles, bubble bath, hair dye and the little packets that keep things dry from a flat pack from that well known Swedish store.

You may have thought that I would have witnessed many deaths but this is not the case. Very few people die in the E.D. despite the stories that appear in televisions dramatic versions of the department. And whilst we are on the subject of dramatic interpretations, I am sorry to disappoint you but there is very little romance between the staff either. I haven't seen a television drama that captured the frenetic pace of the work involved nor the humour that we employed to cope emotionally. A bit like school children, it could be the little things that we found hilarious within the department. Like the time that we had a motorbike rider come in who had survived a rather nasty crash. It was his matching army camouflage telephone cover and underwear that made us smile, although obviously not to his face. Or the time the 50 year old male came in having collapsed at a party and we were concerned that he had had some kind of heart attack but his wife made him tell us about the 'special brownie' that he had eaten minutes before his collapse. He was concerned that we would contact the police and also that we would judge him. Let me reassure everyone reading this that our job is to care for everyone who comes into our department. We don't contact the police, we don't give less care to someone who received their injuries through hurting another person and we don't turn people away.

I have provided nursing care for men in white paper boiler suits who were in custody for swallowing large amounts of illegal drugs to a man who came in with a paper cut and just about everything in between. Sometimes we were able to make a big difference, and sometimes just a little difference but that was only in our view. Patients came in to have their physical problems solved and sometimes their emotional problems as well. Occasionally we would have a patient who had to remain anonymous on the whiteboard for their own safety because they were victims of assault and there was a risk that their partner would turn up and have another go. Once the department was in lock-down because a very angry partner turned up with a car boot loaded with riffles and a bomb. Fortunately he was so angry that he warned everyone that this is what he was going to do and we had time to lock-down the department and keep safe until the situation was defused.

I mentioned Gatwick Airport and the red phone. It was an old fashioned telephone with a dial and heavy hand receiver. It sat on a little shelf in the middle of the department where our radios connecting us the the ambulances and land line phones sat along with mountains of paperwork and the computer, otherwise known as the 'nurses station'. It was used by every health professional that entered the department and the emergency doctors also had their own office. That red telephone could signal a single patient or a plane load of possible casualties. They were always thoughtful enough to call us to let us know to 'stand down' which was the most common outcome. Next time you are considering a sneaky smoke in the toilets you should probably know that you will be found out, that the smoke detector will register and that an emergency department like ours will be on 'stand by'. We had a few medical emergencies every year, mostly passengers who were determined not to miss their flight despite chest pains, blinding headaches, chest infections and gastro. What might be manageable on the ground is not the same flying at 37,000 feet in a pressured cabin. Then there were the times that the wheels didn't lock properly, the plane was very low on fuel and once when the captain collapsed. His co-pilot successfully landed the plane and the passengers were none the wiser. The department however had heard whispers about a forth-coming emergency practise when actors are prepared off-site or out of our site and suddenly turn up. The senior staff of the hospital know before hand and have additional wards and beds open and additional staff to help out, but we don't know that until the first set of casualties arrive. So when the call came through that a plane load of passengers were potentially at risk because the captain had collapsed the team thought that it was another practise. It makes no difference in that we always prepare and act as if it were real but imagine their surprise when the ambulance arrived with the captain. And please, if you are sick, don't get on a plane.

For me three years was enough drama but there are some amazing and dedicated nurses that devote their entire career to working in this department.

Keep safe
love
Sarah

Working through grief

They say that time is a great healer. I'm not sure who 'they' are or were, or if this means that a great many people have said the same thing. At a time of loss it is one of the many platitudes offered to the grieving person and for some people time will never allow them to fully recover from their grief. But for most of us we do eventually recover enough to be able to move on and get on with our lives. Memories become joyful rather than painful, mementos become a source of happy memories instead of painful reminders and we can get through whole days without thinking about our loss.

How do we work through grief so that we can emerge the other side able to move on and maybe even take the same path again, such as meeting another partner or getting another dog (cat, insert choice of pet here)? When we love unconditionally there is always a risk that one day the person or animal will move on for what ever reason. It could be death or the breakdown of a relationship. There is a saying that goes something along the lines of .."the only two guarantees in life are death and taxes". I should probably point out now, in case you feel cheated later in the piece, that I don't have the definitive answer to this question. I only have my experience and observations.

I once met a lady who had been a widow for nine months. She still cried every day, was still sleeping on the couch because any bed represented the loss of her husband and was struggling to carry on with her life even with medication and professional counselling. I have known other people who were never the same following the death of their spouse or child but did continue to live their lives and were able to have fun doing so. I have also known women who have never recovered from the loss of their spouse, not from death, but through the breakdown of the relationship. They remain bitter, angry and resentful, unable to move on and meet other potential partners or to work through their pain to a degree that enables them to live their lives in fulfilment and happiness.

Last month I ran two workshops at different aged care facilities for staff who had experienced a cluster of deaths. You may imagine that working in an aged care facility, or indeed any health care setting, meant that the health care staff encountered death on an almost daily basis. However this is incorrect. Whilst there will always be deaths in an aged care facility they are usually spaced out and not that frequent. A cluster in two facilities had left the staff devastated and starting to withdraw emotionally to protect themselves. The workshops helped the staff to reconnect to their purpose for choosing that particular profession and to remember all that they had given and the difference that they had made.

And this is how I am coping with grief today and all the days that it takes to be able to remember Josh without my eyes leaking. Whilst it is true that Josh gave us all more than we could ever give him we did give him all that we could, without spoiling him rotten. He was loved unconditionally, even when he dug a hole in the back yard that would have won awards at a wombat competition. Even when he snuck into my bedroom and found the Christmas chocolate. Even when he refused to go back outside without a treat or when he tried to fight other dogs at the vets. He was loved and cared for every day that he lived with us. He was part of our family. He knew that he would always have a home, always be loved, always be fed, always be kissed on the top of his hard head with that soft fur and that we would always be here for him. I choose to keep busy and not to think about him most of the time. I choose to honour him by giving his food and belongs to other people and organisations that help rescue greyhounds. I also choose to keep a few of his items that I have put away until it doesn't make my eyes leak when I see them. I choose to take it one day at a time and not force it. I choose to support my family grieve in what ever way works best for them. This is how I work through grief.

I offer my thoughts and condolences to you if you are grieving and respectfully ask you to consider taking all the time you need, to get professional help if you are struggling to cope and if your eyes keep leaking after a month or two.

Be nice to yourself
love
Sarah

Josh R.I.P.

My heart is breaking.

We chose Josh from the GAP website and collected him seven years ago, almost to the day. He was already five years old and had had several homes due to no fault of his own. Like all retired greyhounds who go through the GAP program he had spent time at the GAP centre for assessment, time with a foster person and then been adopted. However his adopted family suffered a tragedy and Josh ended up back at the GAP centre for re-homing. By the time he came to live with us he appeared to believe that it was for a limited period. We will never know if he thought that people didn't want him or that this is just how life is: a series of homes. So when he first arrived he was very subdued. Friendly but subdued.

My heart is breaking.

We knew that he felt at home and safe when he started to test the boundaries. We became firmer and set very clear boundaries and after another month or so, he settled down. He even seemed to like the boundaries. They told him where he was in the pack. His pack. His home.

My heart is breaking.

Like all retired greyhounds Josh was a couch potato. He could still run really fast and used to run laps round and round our back yard. He always ran the exact same route which eventually developed into a track with an especially deep groove at the bottom of the turning circuit round the Hills Hoist. At the top of the garden he would leap up onto the raised small lawn, stand there panting for a minute with a typical greyhound grin and then dash off again. Sometimes we wondered if he was expecting us to cheer each time he came up to the top because he looked so pleased with himself.
And then there were all his other little quirks and things that made him Josh. He would come down to hang up washing with me nudging me from behind to turn round and stroke his head. Hang up a piece, stroke Josh, hang up a piece, stroke Josh. If I tried to hang up several pieces I would feel a nudge from his nose as a reminder. He was the same with other family members who hung up washing.
And he loved to come inside, down in the den. As you walked back up the path he would race up ahead of you so that you let him in when you went back in. We made him wait and come in last to keep him at the bottom of the pack. He would bounce around waiting for his turn. If it was my youngest daughter he could be a bit cheeky and run in ahead of her. We always figured that he viewed her as a fellow cub on the same level as he was. The other time that he would run in, even if it was me holding the door open, was when it was thunder and lightening. The minute the door was open a black streak was flash past and Josh would arrive in the den panting with big open eyes. Once during a storm I went outside to get in the washing. Apparently Josh was beside himself, pacing up and down by the door, peering out waiting for me to return. When I got back inside he checked to see that I was okay before resuming his panting and drooling.

My heart is breaking.

He chased birds. He would launch across the garden at any bird that dared enter with a big deep bark. He rarely barked so this was always both a bit of a surprise and rather amusing. Having got rid of the bird he would stand watch in case it considered coming back. The only other time we really heard him barking we couldn't find him at first. We followed the noise to the bottom of the garden behind the fir tree to see a cat sitting calmly on the fence, swishing its tail whilst Josh was barking and barking. I gave the cat a bit of a shove and he jumped down the other side of the fence. Josh patrolled the back fence for ages, to make sure it didn't come back.

Most of all Josh liked being with us. It didn't matter to him if it was outside or inside, unless there was a risk of thunder and lightening. He was my companion when I gardened, when I hung up laundry, watered the lemon tree or just sat outside to enjoy the sunlight. He liked to be inside with us if we were all inside and would sit and whine outside the back door to be let in. He recognised the sound of the car being locked when we got home and would start to whine before I had the key in the front door. The video games are played in the den and he endured Wii tenis, battle of the bands and dancing. He kept a careful eye to make sure that feet didn't come too near and if it was near his bedtime he would sigh.

My heart is breaking.

Being an ex racing dog meant that his hips were damaged from a young age. The dogs are required to run round the track at an angle and if you are a winner like Josh apparently was, the four years of this type of running take their toll. He couldn't sit down but instead had to either stand or lie. He was on injections and powder for his hips because they were tight and sore. Sometimes he would catch them by landing badly when he jumped off the top grassy area or turned a corner badly. Once he hurt them so badly that he lay their whimpering until we could get him to the vet. Several years ago we noticed that he didn't run round the garden any more but he still chased birds and followed me with the laundry. He still raced up to the back door to get there first.
And then his hips got worse. He frequently limped, sometimes stumbled and recently stopped following me round the garden. And then his hips got worse. He sometimes struggled to get up at all, he often breathed as though he had been running when he hadn't and he needed pain killers more often.
And then this past week his hips got worse. He struggled to stand every time he got up and sometimes needed help, he stopped wanting to hunt his meaty cubes in the garden, he stopped wanting to do almost anything except lie on his big floor cushions with us. And this his front leg got bad, apparently from having to take the weight of his back legs and he developed a terrible limp.
We took him to the vet last week and they gave him several injections and a variety of pain killers and we took him home and things continued to deteriorate. He was still happy to be with us and we could get him to eat bits and pieces but walking was clearly very painful for him and he was becoming less and less keen to stand up at all.

Today we took him back to the vets and there was nothing more they could do. Twelve years is very old in rescue greyhound years and he had given it everything he had. We could have brought him home with more pain killers but it would have been for our benefit, not for his. So we made the most selfless decision we could: we stayed whilst he went to sleep, forever.

We have chosen the service that cremates him and gives us back his ashes to sprinkle on his favourite place. There are several holes that he dug and loved to enlarge and the flowerbed that he once dug up.

Our house and back yard seem very empty. There are memories of him everywhere, reminders because all his belongings are still scattered around the house and back yard and I find myself still listening out for his panting and loving expression and delight every time he sees me.

I know that it takes time, I have been here before. It took three months last time so I am giving myself plenty of time and I have given the family the freedom to have as much screen time as they want for a few days so that everyone can cope this first week in their own way.

A dog is loving, non-judgemental and a wonderful example of pure love, without asking for anything in return. He gave us plenty to celebrate and be thankful for, and what ever we gave him, he gave us back in spades.

Thank you Josh
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Starting today

I am starting this blog so that I can write for 20 minutes a day and see my work displayed. I could write for 20 minutes in a note book or create heaps of documents in a folder but neither had the same appeal.

So why 20 minutes? Because this is the advice from a very skilled author who helps people like me improve their writing skills. People like me who struggled with writing at school and beyond, and in my case even during my Master's degree. My senior school was a new comprehensive that had been the secondary modern school in the area. In the UK at that time every child sat the 11+ in their last year of junior school. You were then streamed using the results of that exam. If you were in the top few hundred you went to the local grammar school and if you scored less you went to the local secondary modern.

They stopped the system the year that I went to senior school and it was pot luck if you were sent to the 'old' grammar school because their teachers, school ethos and general attitude was that you studied hard, were given all the resources you needed to achieve your chosen further study or profession and that good behaviour, school rules that encouraged achievement and general politeness were all essential. The secondary modern on the other hand was just grateful if you showed up and handing in homework was a bonus. The teachers believed that so long as you sat in class and made some effort this was enough although there were a few teachers who believed that caning was the only way to make children respect the staff and that it was acceptable to hit children round the head with the board duster. Every term the must disruptive children would be away for a period of time, and apparently this was because they were in the local remand centre. We weren't taught how to write essays, how to spell correctly, how to use grammar appropriately and it wasn't until my children went to school that I knew what a verb and adjective where. My lack of knowledge about such things didn't do much for my language skills in either English or French.

When I left home at 18 to be an assistant matron in a boarding school I used to write home every week. When I left that job to start my nurse training my parents revealed that they had loved my letters not for their content but for their amusement as they howled their way through all my grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Despite reading many books over the years my spelling and grammar haven't improved and I am lucky to write in an age where a squiggly red line warns me of another mistake.

So why would I want to persist? Because I believe that I have something useful to offer. Something that can enhance people's lives, improve their quality and probably quantity. I am a mentor and expert for helping people, mainly women, maintain their weight after the age of 40. I love being able to offer knowledge and insights that helps my clients keep their pre 40s figure, their energy and their sense of fun.

But that is not what this blog is about. I already have a blog for that. This blog is just about my life, my observations and thoughts so that I practise writing every day for 20 minutes to improve my writing muscle.

You are most welcome to comment below each blog.

until tomorrow have a good day

love
Sarah